It is a mistake to assume that staying together for the sake of the kids is always the best situation. If being married makes you both miserable, and you take it out on each other at any moment you can, then this will scar your children just as much as a messy divorce. It is far better to attend counseling with the intent to divorce and then split as amicably as possible as co-parents.
You can provide your kids with a healthy, loving home as two single people, but to succeed, you will need to follow these tips:
Bring in Lawyers from the Start
Lawyers are helpful and necessary to successfully follow through with a divorce, but enlisting their help early rather than trying to figure things out on your own is essential. Don’t consider them the last step; consider them the first step. A divorce lawyer from Charleston Law will be able to help you mediate the difficult process of splitting your assets and agreeing on alimony, child support, and custody much easier.
With someone there mediating, you can keep things calm and professional, and that is invaluable during a divorce.
Be Upfront and Honest with Your Kids
Kids are resilient so long as they know what to expect. Being upfront and honest with your kids is, therefore, essential. Let them know you are going to get a divorce, when they can expect it to go through, and what changes will be happening. Make them a part of the decision process. If they want a family day once a week where you go on a fun day out, then try to work together with your ex to make this happen.
Consider Couples Therapy (Even if You Aren’t Together Any More)
Couples therapy is often used to save a marriage, but it can be beneficial after a relationship has ended. In fact, having the pressure of being married off your shoulders can help both of you approach counseling more calmly and, in turn, get more out of it.
Your goal here isn’t to get back together. It’s to overcome your differences so that you can become friends and great co-parents. This means working through your issues so that you can comfortably raise your kids together, even if you live in two different homes.
In terms of moving on healthily and providing your kids with as secure and loving an environment as possible, counseling could be the perfect solution.
Be There for Your Kids Together
You’ll want your own time with the kids, and that’s fine, but don’t split up being holidays. Spend Christmas together, their birthdays together, sit next to each other during their graduation and go out to celebrate as a family. These days are not about you. They are about your children, and they deserve to have both of their parents there, regardless of whether you remarry and have more children or not.
Far too often, divorce means a family is split, but done right, it can actually bring a family closer together. People who are married that only make themselves miserable are not providing a healthy, loving home. If you can work out your differences and become better co-parents than you could as a couple, then everyone benefits.